Random things I've learned about naming a baby:

*Naming boys is a lot easier. You can go one of two ways: traditional or trendy. With girls, you have a variety of options, plus girl names come with connotations. Will people perceive her as a nerdy librarian? a stripper? a snob?

*If you go with a very traditional name, people will ask if your child is being named after someone in your family. That’s their nice way of saying “that name is so dreadfully boring or outdated, you must only be using it to honor someone.”

*Conversely, people love to tell you that a miserable life lies ahead for your baby if you name them something uncommon, or something that's not included in the lists of Top Baby Names. I'm not just referring to the name "Rhys," either. (Which, for the record, is not a "made-up" spelling.) Also, according to many people, any name over two syllables will be IMPOSSIBLE for your poor child to learn to spell. IT JUST CAN'T BE DONE. I mean, look at how many adult Christophers and Alexandrias you know that still don't know how to spell their own names. It's heartbreaking, really.

*Grown-ups love to come up with schoolyard taunts for your baby name that no child would EVER in a million years come up with. Kids are very creative and can be very cruel, but not as creative and cruel as adults that are trying their damnedest to discourage you from using a particular baby name.

*People love to share unflattering stories about someone they know by that name. If you DARE tell your baby name to a teacher, expect to trigger a flashback comparable to that of a Vietnam vet. “Omigod. I once had a student by that name. He would run around, kicking and hitting and punching the other kids. He threatened to kill me once. I wouldn’t be surprised if that kid ends up in jail...but your kid will be an angel.”

*You should only tell your name to trustworthy people. And you’d be amazed at who can and cannot be deemed trustworthy. I was.

True story: I was pregnant with a boy at the same time as our pastor’s wife was pregnant with a girl. She asked me what our girl name would’ve been. I told her the name of Nate’s grandmother. Her eyes lit up and she asked what middle name we would’ve used. I told her the name of Nate’s other grandmother. Three months later, the congregation welcomed its newest member, who just happened to be the namesake of Nate’s grandmothers.

We really miss that church.

*You know how, by this point in your life, you know better than to trash the spouse of someone who’s going through some marital problems, because they’ll inevitably work things out, and then that person knows that you can’t stand their husband? Yeah. Well not everyone is at that point in their life, the point where they know when to keep their mouth shut. These are the same people who tell you they hate your baby name, oblivious to the fact that you’ve already settled on that name, and that you’ve been affectionately referring to the little being in your womb by that name for the last several months. Now you know who hates your kid’s name. Awk-ward!

For the aforementioned reasons, we have only told a few close friends our baby girl’s name. Truth of the matter is, we only settled on one just the other day. Nate came up with it as soon as we found out we were having a daughter, and he’s shot down any other name that I’ve had to offer since then. This is pretty remarkable, for Nate to be so passionate about a name. His approach to naming babies is usually the same as my approach to getting a new hairstyle: I don’t know what I want, I just know what I DON’T want. And I cross my fingers that the result of my indecisiveness elicits a positive response. (To my hairstylist, Sarah: I’m so sorry for being such a pain in the ass. Now I can appreciate how much clients like me must frustrate you.)

So, since her father feels so passionately about it, and because it’s really grown on me, IT’S DONE. SHE’S NAMED. And I’ll tell you what her name is as soon as she is born, which I hope is VERY soon. Just, please, think twice before being one of those people who tell me they dislike the name even after the kid is born. I don’t want to have to kick anyone’s ass in a postpartum fit of hysterics.